The suffragettes had it right!* Let's burn all the bras!!! Clearly these medieval torture devices, created by men, are the final straw holding women back from truly being independent! They're holding us back, not holding us up!
Ladies, I know you all have one! That bra that you paid an excess amount of money for. Couldn't be bothered to try it on, and now it sits on the bottom of the pile for months on end. One day in the distant future you see it sitting there. You think "I haven't worn this one in a while". So you pull it out of its drawer, put it on. It feels new again. The girls are perky, and life is good. Until…..
You get yourself ready for work, drop the kids off, make your way to work. And just about the time you sit down, turn on your computer, check your e-mail, you're starting to shrug your shoulders trying to get the straps back in place. By the time 10am rolls around you're pulling the back down, trying to adjust the strap tension. Your girls are falling out of the cups creating the horrid double boob your cup runneth over look, the underwire has come out of its protective casing and is now jabbing you in your chest bone. AHHHH!
You start wondering if you can get away with taking it off. Is my shirt thick enough? How cold is it in here? Did I leave that sweater in the car? Will it match with my outfit? Maybe I could use some tape…
If it weren't for my uncle J traumatizing me early in life I would never wear a bra! I distinctly remember being in the car with my aunt and uncle, I think I was going over to babysit. My uncle made some crack about headlights being on. What? *Head tilt* Nothing in my 13 year old repertoire about headlights. My aunt looked at me and laughed. Never heard that one before? Can I tell you how absolutely mortified I was when she told me what it meant? As soon as I got home I trashed all my bras that had no padding, and went out shopping for new bras with padding, and the dreaded underwire.
For that reason I am now sitting in my office shrugging my shoulders, pulling the straps and trying to get the girls back in the cups where they belong. If something doesn't give soon, I'm putting my sweater on and taking the f*cker off!!!
*History lesson time. The suffragettes never actually burned bras. Unfortunately the male press at the time decided to use footage of the draft card burning, and called it a bra burning to make fun of the feminist movement. The closest you can get was a rally in 1968 in which women were protesting the Miss America Pageant. They threw girdles, high heels and cosmetics into the "freedom can" but there was no burning. Read more on the subject.