Spreadsheet A-Holic

Hello, my name is Nik and I am addicted to spreadsheets.

If I could I would live my whole life out on a spreadsheet. You can run macros that will carry out your demands in a split second. You can color co-ordinate your headings and totals, make life pretty! You can list and sort your life. Find a name/phone number in one click. Heck you can throw in a reset button and go back to where you started if things get messed up! What a life!

Of course have my personal finances on a spreadsheet. I love to manipulate the numbers. What if I won the lottery… *type type type* and voila I’m a millionaire! Look at all the left over money at the end of the week that I have to play with. Millions in savings, a car fund, a huge savings account for C, money to pay off all the bills, trips galor. Best of all, no grocery budget! Wouldn’t that be nice?

At work I have to calculate the price of pool liners, there is a whole sequence Length x Width x multiplier + base price = Y , then you have to calculate the pro-rated rate Y x X% = Z and then they want to know the taxes (((Z x 5%) + (Z x 8% )) + Z). Is all that scary high school math flooding back? (work within the brackets first!) I can’t be bothered doing that by hand on a calculator. It would take me weeks to come up with one quote. Heaven forbid I made a typo! This is why I love spreadsheets. I type in

=l x w and the pro-rata percent, POOF I have a glorious answer in seconds. It even calculates the taxes for me.

You know, there is a formula for just about anything! K asked me if I could help him with his lotto spreadsheet. He he! I was overjoyed. It was the sexiest thing he’s asked me in months! He wanted to know if it was possible for the spreadsheet to count only odd numbers. Ha! Like that’s any match for a spreadsheet wizard like me!

I kept track of C’s poopy diapers, pee diapers, feedings, naps and all kind of things on my little spreadsheets. I made up a calorie calculator/meal planning spreadsheet to help keep track of our weight loss goals. And when it was slow at work before I left on mat leave I created the mother of all EI calculators on a precious spreadsheet!!

Oh god, I think I need to get a life.

Really me,

Spreadsheet A-holic

Nik