Walking Mustache

I made meatballs today. I reminded me that I wanted to tell you about the greatness of Stove Top.You want to know what the best thing since slice bread is? It's Stove Top.

I don't like eating anything that is cooked up a turkey's butt. So Stove Top it is! I never used to like stuffing... now I do!

Not only is it good as stuffing... it has many other uses.

Meatballs for example. You can use Stove Top instead of bread crumbs in meatballs... or burgers... or anything else you usually put bread crumbs in.

Topping. Yup it works great for topping on home made mac & cheese or tuna casserole.

Finally, cesar salad. Yup, I ran out of croutons the other day and used Stove Top.

Anyways, back to meatballs. I'm making meatballs, rolling them and putting the on the cookie sheet with Demi helping me. When a mustache comes out of the vent.

I watched it. My hands were all ground beef, pork, stove top goodness. I couldn't do anything. It found a hole and hid.

I watched the hole.

I told Demi to watch the hole.

Then it came out of the hole and headed for one of Jordyn's toys on the floor. I made a dash and kicked the toy out of the way. The mustache started high tailing it back to the hole.

I ran and put on some shoes so I could step on it. I missed it by thismuch.

As far as I know it's still in the hole in the quarter round. Who knows what kind of network of bugs is in there... it could be a virtual bug highway!

Now I'm all like this





Only replace spider with mustache bug.

Really me,
Mustache Hater
Nik

EI and Maternity Leave Calculator

I created this calculator years ago when I was pregnant with Demi. I posted it to a forum , it was well received, and I don't believe there is another calculator out there. So why not publish my own work!

Please keep in mind that there are many variables that go into the calculation, which means the calculator might not be exact. My calculations this time around were $40 off.

Enjoy.

>DOWNLOAD SPREADSHEET


Really me,
The excelaholic
Nik

Confessions

Here are my confessions.

I am not a perfect mom. I am FAR from it.

Sometimes I freak out.

Sometimes I raise my voice.

Sometimes I sound like *gasp* my father!

Sometimes I use the television as a babysitter so I can use the bathroom or grab something to eat.

Sometimes I have to leave the baby in her crib while she's crying so I can throw on a clean pair of pants and a dry shirt.

Sometimes I use bad words within ear shot of the kids.

Sometimes I get mad and yell at Demi

Sometimes I feed us 'crap' like kraft dinner or McDonalds.

Sometimes I find myself judging other mothers for their parenting choices.

Sometimes I don't make time to play.

Sometimes I think I'll really mess the kids up beyond fixing.

Sometimes I think I'm bi-polar due to the crazy mood swings that happen due to stress, breast feeding, lack of sleep, lack of food etc.

Sometimes I think that my kids will hate me when they get older.

Sometimes I tune out when Demi is screaming... I mean singing one of her songs.

Sometimes I'm not the best mother.

I hope that most of the time will make up for some of the time and my faults will be forgiven.

Really me,
Sometimes
Nik

FML... Really?

I think this is going to be a pet peeve week for me.

I scroll through my facebook statuses. The usual proud moms bragging about their kids, social commentaries from others, zen moments from some... and then I see FML. Oh how I hate you FML. For those of you who do not know what FML stands for... don't laugh, I had to ask! It's an acronym for F*ck My Life. As Daniel Powter would say, 'You had a bad day'.

I can't even think of a situation where FML is appropriate. Maybe...

My identity was stolen and the person racked up millions in debt in my name...FML

I was wrongly convicted and I'm in jail for life... FML

Cause you know, those situations really suck. But that's not what I see. I see...

Got a paper cut on my finger and I have to type an essay. FML

Broke my cell phone. FML

Dog peed on the floor. FML

Ummm really? You had to clean up some pee, so your whole life is ruined? Sure the phrase may have been genius at one point, but the novelty has worn off, and clearly so has the meaning.

I don't want to get in to the whole "life is a gift" shpeal but it is, and for one little disappointment, or inconvenience to have somebody saying f*ck my life! is ridiculous! Forget about the fact that you're fortunate enough to even own a computer, and in some cases a fancy phone. I'm sure there are a lot worse things that could happen.

Think about it next time you're about to type FML. Is it really THAT bad?

Really me,
Loving Life
Nik

"Camping"

Last weekend we did the closest thing we will ever come to camping. K won't stay anywhere where there isn't running water... so that makes real camping difficult. Our version of camping is setting up a tent in the backyard. And let me say we got an awesome deal on our tent!

We bought the Broadstone Makobe Lighted 6 person tent from Canadian Tire. Regular price $129.99 on sale 45% off $69.99. We also bought 2 air mattresses 1 queen and one twin.



I'm lucky to have an aunt who's inlaws have a cottage... actually I'm lucky said aunt likes me. lol So off we went to Round lake to set up our tent in the backyard of the cottage property.

The tent went up really easily even for novices. It only took us about 15 minutes, which isn't too bad for the first time. I'm sure next time it will take 5 mins. After we got everything set up and we lied back on the air mattress K exclaimed "This is roughing it" ha ha, he's funny.

The weekend was fantastic, as always we were fed well by my aunt and uncle, the water was beautiful, my cousins were great with Demi. And now K can say that he went camping like every man should. Now if only we could get rid of all the bugs, I would be a happy camper!



Really me,
the camper
Nik

Caramel Crunch Cake by LaRocca

This was the challenge.

And this was my answer...

I've seen this cake in Loblaws, I always wanted to buy it... but as you know, I'm frugal and this cake was $14.99 for a 7" cake. How could I possibly pay $15 for a wee little cake! It's not like spending $23 for a glorified rubber chew toy for the baby (I'll get to that story one day). After years of starring this cake down behind the bakery glass, I finally bought it. (to be accurate, K bought it, I think I would have chickened out at the cash). Let me tell you... this cake was worth the wait. It was fantastic! I was in trouble, because there is no way I could ever bring myself to buy the $15 cake again.

I accept the challenge!

Hazelnut Meringue
What I did What I would do next time
4 egg whites 5 egg whites
3/4 cup white sugar 3/4 cup white sugar
1/4 walnuts 1/4 cup hazelnuts (or walnuts)
2 Tbsp corn starch 2 Tbsp corn starch

Preheat oven to 250 C. Draw 2 8" circles on parchment paper and place on a cookie sheet. Beat the egg whites in a glass or metal mixing bowl (meringue will not form peaks in a plastic bowl) until soft peaks form. Slowly add white sugar and beat until hard peak forms. In a food processor grind nuts and corn starch together until it reaches the consistency of corn meal, or a little bit bigger. Fold the nuts into the meringue. Place meringue in a piping bag (or a ziplock bag as I did). Pipe meringue in a spiral fashion onto the parchment paper circles. Bake in the oven for 1.5 hours or until the meringue is hard throughout. Remove from oven, remove parchment paper when meringue is cool enough to touch, place on a cooling rack.

Caramel
(2) 1 can of sweetened condensed milk

Use one of these methods to make the caramel. I used two methods, I wasted 1.5 hours cooking the milk in the oven. It wasn't the right color when it came out, so I put it in the microwave for another 8 mins in 2 minute intervals. Next time I would cook the caramel using the microwave method or the stove top method, and I would cook it until it was a bit darker and richer in color.
Refrigerate the caramel until cool (approximately 3-4 hours depending on the size of the bowl).

Stabilized Chantilly Whipped Cream
(basically this means a thicker (stabilized) sweetened (Chantilly is a fancy way of saying the whipped cream has sugar in it) whipped cream)

2 cups 35% cream
1/4 cup white sugar (optional)
2 packets of Whip It (in the baking aisle)

Make sure all of your ingredients and your bowl are very cold. Add the Whip It to the cream and beat until soft peaks form. Slowly add in your sugar. Beat until hard peaks are formed. Do not over beat or your cream will turn into butter. Next time, I might try to stabilize the whipped cream with gelatin, I think it might result in a more firm cream that holds up longer, but I would like to test it first.

Assemble the cake just prior to serving. Divide caramel in 2 portions, leaving about 4 Tbsp aside for garnish. Spread caramel onto both of the cooled meringues, pipe whipped cream on top of the first layer. Place the second meringue on top, pipe whipped cream on top. Using the caramel you set aside, place it in a ziplock bag and add a design on the top of the cake. Refrigerate until serving.

$2.99 Condensed milk
$3.49 whipping cream
$1.29 Whip It
$1.25 eggs
Delicious cake... priceless!

Really me,
Challenge completed
Nik

Let's Talk About Sex- Sex 101

That's right, it's time for that dreaded sex talk. Recently I mentioned charting to my sister. She stared at me kind of blankly. She goes to a Catholic high school, and I thought for sure they would be teaching them about charting as a birth control method (since it doesn't go against the church and all) But to my surprise, she hadn't heard anything about it. Her class never did the condom on the banana thing, and she wasn't aware of many of the other methods either... it was time to have a talk.

Before I get into the nitty gritty I want to make it clear that I am in no way condoning sex, and I am in no way telling you not to have sex. My point is to provide you with some very basic information on how to protect yourself, avoid pregnancy, and avoid STIs/STDs.

Some very very very important points
1. The ONLY way to avoid pregnancy 100% is not to have sex (abstinence).

2. No birth control method (the pill, IUD, condoms etc.) prevents pregnancy 100% of the time.

3. The pill, IUDs, the depo shot etc do not protect you from Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI), you should still be using a condom.

4. You can get an STI from having oral sex.

Birth Control Methods

Condoms (male)- A condom is most often made of latex. Make sure to read the package to learn how to properly put on a condom. It is my belief that all young girls should know how to put them on, so ladies, practice on a banana if need be. Depending on what stats you're looking at condoms are effective in protecting against pregnancy 82%-98% of the time. They effectively protect against STIs 80%-95% of the time when used correctly. They are the best method to protect against STIs. Condoms are available with spermicide (not good for oral sex), lubricated, and non lubricated as well as many other shapes, sizes, colors and tastes. (Interesting fact: A person who is allergic to apricots is often allergic to latex. If that is the case non latex condoms are available in most drug stores.) You should never use 2 condoms at the same time for 'extra protection'. 2 condoms actually decrease the effectiveness and heightens the chance of the condoms breaking.

Condoms (female)- The female condom is inserted into the vagina and there is a hard plastic rim that keeps it from slipping all the way in. It is not made of latex so it can be used by people with latex allergies. The female condom is 80%-95 percent effective against pregnancy when used correctly. It may be a little tricky to learn how to use, so it is not suggested if it's your first time.

The Pill- The birth control pill goes by many different brand names, you need to see your Dr. to be given a prescription. You do not need your parent's permission to obtain a prescription, and the Dr. must keep it confidential. The Pill is a series of 21 (or 28) pills that a woman takes every day, that release hormones into your body which prevents an egg from leaving your ovaries. The pill must be taken at the same time every day or it decreases it's effectiveness. If you have a 21 pack you will stop taking the pills for 7 days. If you have a 28 pack the last 7 pills are simply sugar pills. The pill is effective in preventing pregnancy 92% of the time when used correctly. The pill does not protect against STIs. ***Certain antibiotics/medications can make the pill ineffective, ALWAYS tell the pharmacist if you are taking the birth control pill.***

The Patch- The birth control patch is a thin beige square that releases hormones into your system which prevents an egg from being released from your ovaries. It can be placed in several discreet places on your body. You wear one patch a week for 3 weeks, the fourth week you do not wear a patch. Repeat. You must see a Dr. to get a prescription. The down side to the patch is that it collects dirt around the edges much like a bandaid and may not look very attractive by the end of the week. When used correctly the patch protects against pregnancy 92% of the time. The patch does not protect against STIs.

The Birth Control Shot- (Depo) The shot is a long acting hormone which prevents an egg from being released from your ovaries. The shot must be given at a Dr's office every 3 months. If you miss your shot, or delay your appointment you run the risk of becoming pregnant. When used correctly the patch protects against pregnancy 97% of the time. The shot does not protect against STIs.

IUD- IntraUterine Device. Is a T shaped device that is inserted by a doctor into your uterus. IUDs make it difficult for an egg to implant in your uterus, it also prevents sperm from getting to the egg. IUDs may shift or move so it is very important to check them frequently. When used correctly they are one of the most effective forms of birth control preventing pregnancy 98% of the time. IUDs do not protect against STIs.

Charting- (a.k.a the rhythm method) Charting is the method often recommended by the church. It involves taking your temperature every day before getting out of bed in the morning, keeping track of your period, observing your cervical fluid and really paying attention to your body. This method relies strongly on the woman to be very aware of her most fertile days, and only having sex when she is the least fertile. Most women need to chart for several months before they understand their bodies enough to know when the safer times are and when she is more fertile. Either way if you are having sex without protecting odds are very high that you will get pregnant. This is the least effective method of birth control.

The morning after pill- Is a high dose hormone pill which can be taken up to 72 hours after having unprotected sex, or in the event where a condom breaks. In Canada the morning after pill can be purchased at the drug store, but you need to speak to the pharmacist. It may cause nausea, and may cause you to get your period. The morning after pill is effective in preventing pregnancy approximately 98% of the time. The morning after pill is not meant as a birth control method, but it is available in the event that your main line of birth control fails.

True or False?

If he pulls out, you can't get pregnant

BIG FAT FALSE. The pull out 'method' is not a good method of birth control. There are many many things that could go wrong. He might not pull out in time for one. Secondly if he ejaculated prior to intercourse there could still be sperm hanging around in there which means they could make their way into you during intercourse before he's even thinking of pulling out. And there could also be sperm in the pre-cum

You can't get pregnant your first time

FALSE. As soon as a woman gets her period she is able to get pregnant. It is not dependent on how many times you have or haven't had sex. In fact, the egg is released before you get your period, so it is possible to become pregnant before you even get your first period.

You can't get pregnant if you have sex while you're on your period

FALSE While it does lessen the odds, it does not make it impossible. Sperm can live up to 10 days in a woman and an egg can live 3 days. Do you really want to risk it?

As Sue Johanson used to say. 'If you're not mature enough to buy condoms, then you're not mature enough to have sex.'
http://www.talksexwithsue.com/

If you have any questions about sex make sure to ask somebody more experienced than you, whether that be your mother, teacher, older sister, cousin, friend's parents. Heck, e-mail me. Just make sure you're getting your information from a reputable source.

I'd also like to invite everybody to share their sex myths and knowledge.

Really me,
Sex ed
Nik