Dirty Little Secret

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. It's not something we like to admit to, but it is the truth.

Ready....

.....

Girls poop too.

That's right I said it. My BFF will be very upset now. She once lived with a guy for over 3 years and she had convinced him that she didn't poop. She would either wait for himto go to work, or she would 'take a shower'. For one the sound of the water muffled any possible pooping sounds, and the smell from her girly shampoos and body washes would mask any odor. She let me in on her little secret when I started seriously seeing my now husband. Clearly she was magic and not prone to any horrible afflictions of Man. The epitome of femininity!

I myself have been known to leave work because I was 'feeling sick' just so I could go home and avoid the workplace bathroom.

Men, on the other hand, have no problems with pooping. In fact some will announce the deed before they take off to the bathroom with a newspaper under their arm.

"Gotta go drop the kids off at the pool"

or

"Dropping the Browns off at the Super Bowl"

Were common phrases from some of my male co-workers.

Ya, thanks, I really needed to know that. Like it wasn't obvious enough when you were away from your desk for 15 mins. What the heck do they do in there!?

When I worked at the Toronto Islands the guys would come up and use the bathroom in the office. I used to keep a bottle of cucumber mellon body spray in my cubby to freshen up after work. Sure enough the guys would use it as their air freshener. To this day I associate cucumber mellon with stinky poop smell.

For the last 3 years I have avoided using a public washroom. I almost broke my streak when K went in for his knee surgery a few weeks ago. We were due at the hospital by 6:45 which totally upset my morning routine. The coffee I had when I got to the hospital didn't help. Shortly after they took K in I walk/ran to the car, clinching the whole way. Luckily home was only a 5min drive!

But we can't always make it home, sometimes public bathrooms are the only option. So here are some tips I've picked up along the way for any of you 'none poopers' out there who would like to remain anonymous.

The Fly By
This is the act of scouting out the bathroom before going in for a poop. Go in and make sure that nobody else is in there, 'check your makeup'. If a stall is occupied come back again later.

A Safe Haven
This is a bathroom that is rarely used, and out of the way of the general population. An abandoned floor, the bathroom nobody knows about, even a handicapped washroom can work well as a safe haven.

The Bird's Nest
This technique involves laying a few sheets of toilet paper on top of the water. It has a a couple of advantages. It helps to mask any plopping, dribbling or splashing sounds. Secondly it protects you from the dreaded 'poo-dew', the results of your poop slashing your bottom with nasty toilet water.

Camo-Cough
If you've forgotten to use the bird's nest or you think some other sounds may escape, a timely cough will help to cover the unwanted sound.

Really me,
President of PA
Nik

My Dad Named His Drill Bit Chuck

"Hand me my Chuck"

"Chuck? Who's Chuck?

"My drill bit... the Chuck."

"You named your drill bit Chuck?"

Clearly I still have a lot to learn. Like drill bits are called chucks. That's how my garden renovation part 2 started this weekend. Actually it started about 2 or 3 hours before that, but it took that long for my dad and I to figure out how we were going to build the box around the air conditioning unit. We're like 2 chiefs my dad and I. I see something in my head, and he sees something completely different. Neither is wrong or better or worse, just different and this can cause some issues. I'm slowly learning how to work with my dad, and when I need to sit back and let the years of experience take over from my fledgling enthusiasm. My great ideas may not translate into a doable project.

I think my dad has the same issue with his father. Both are very headstrong men with their own idea of how to do things. One passing the torch down to the other, and then, as it inevitably happens, your children start to learn tricks of the trade you don't know. But such is life.

This weekend I gave up my bright idea for a doable project, and still ended up with exactly what I saw in my head. A compromise you could say. A melding of two ideas that turned out in the end. I learned some new tricks as I always do working with my elders, and I improved my property in the process. My dad even sacrificed his own home projects to come over and help us. And I'll have you know that it was his birthday weekend. I guess that's where I get my giving nature. Thank you to my dad for this wonderful decorative air conditioning cover!

Before... ugly air conditioner






Forgot to add, this project cost about something like $45, and an hour or so of labor!

Really me,
Apprentice Builder
Nik

Who's laughing now?

I've recently mentioned to a few people that I don't buy full price meat if I can avoid it. It's usually met with a laugh and a kind of sour looking expression.
"What do you do with it?" they ask.

I portion size what I need to, and I throw it into the freezer to build up my 'If 28 Days Later really happens we'll have food to survive on' supply.

K and I like to go shopping at 8am Sunday morning, as soon as Food Basics opens. For one thing there are no other people shopping at that point. And secondly they are marking down all the meat!

Here is what we bought today.



There is a family pack with 2 chicken halves, 4 packages of wings, 1 package of Angus lean ground beef, 2 packages of chicken breasts, 2 packages of chicken breasts cut into strips, and 1 package of stir fry beef. If you're bad at math like me, that is 11 packages of meat. (I was holding myself back today) Do you want to take a guess at how much that costs?

Regular price I would have paid a whopping $58.55 for all of that meat. That's over half of our bi-weekly shopping budget. But because I bought it for a reduced price I paid $25.55 for everything!

I feel like I'm on that credit card commercial.
"You put that on your credit card?"
"Ya and I save 10% of my purchase"
Smugly "So you saved $2"
"Yup, how much did you save?"

So who's laughing now folks!?

LOL That's right, it's me.

CONTEST ALERT

I promised a contest, so here it is. Tell me how you save money at the grocery store. You must be a follower to enter, and you must leave a comment on this post with your e-mail address. The contest will close next Sunday June 13th at which point a winner will be randomly selected to win a (edited as some don't have Metro/A&P) Cineplex Movie Night admission for 2, 2 regular drinks, and one regular popcorn. Also valid at Famous Players and Galaxy Theatres.

Really me,
Bargain shopper
Nik

28 Years Ago Today

My mother, several weeks over due woke up to start her day. Usually she would go for a walk with her dad in the morning, but this morning she had a Dr's appointment. Not long after she awoke, still lying in bed, her water broke. When she looked down she realized there was blood in the waters. Not knowing what to do she got up and ran into the bathroom, in the best place she could think of. The bathtub. She called for my dad.

I can only imagine how scary that was. My dad called my nanna, and nanna shot down the street to come and help. Now my mother's standing in the bathtub bleeding, my dad is freaking out, and nanna is cleaning up the 'mess'. Nobody thought to call an ambulance. So my mother, having been raised by the tidiest woman ever, was worried about messing up the car seat. So she grabbed a towel, stuck it between her legs, hopped in the car with my dad and they drove to the hospital.

When they arrived, the staff whisked my mother away while my dad stayed in admitting to register her. They placed a fetal heart monitor on her belly and quickly discovered I was in distress. "We're going to have to do a c-section" they told her. And my father was nowhere to be seen. This is where things get fuzzy for everybody.

They took my mom in, she remembers tasting onions before going under and worrying that it wouldn't work. They preformed an emergency c-section with my dad and nanna waiting in the waiting room, my mother all alone. If I ask my dad, he doesn't remember much, nanna says I was born with the cord wrapped around my neck, not breathing. My mother nearly died from blood loss. They came to find out that my mother had placenta previa, often fatal when not caught. But we were both fighters.

Here I sit today, strong, determined, stubborn some might say, always fighting for the under dog. I wonder where that attitude came from. My mother still wears her scars proudly.

So on my birthday I want to thank my mom and dad for making me who I am. For fighting and being brave, and for taking care of me.

Really me,
Nik

Stay off the Road 4pm Tomorrow

I have my G2 driver's test tomorrow. Yes, I'm 27 and I still don't have my license. I got my G1 when I was 18, but I lived in the city, didn't have a car and I was scared to take the driving test. So I let it expire. Stupid of me really.

I've been trying not to think of it all week, but it kept creeping into my mind. K is going for surgery June 9th, he will be unable to drive for 2 weeks while he's recovering, so really getting my license wasn't an option. You'd think that at 27 (28 next week gulp!) I'd be more self assured, but nope! When you're a teen you're cocky, you think you know everything and nothing can touch you. 10 years later, that's not the case anymore.

So I spent an hour in the shower tonight.

Shaving.

Everything.

I heard somewhere that if you feel good in your underwear you'll have more confidence in yourself.

Who am I kidding! I shaved in case I needed to have a quickie in the back seat with the instructor. Anything to avoid parallel parking! If I get a woman I may be screwed. Then again, I am pretty adventurous.

I've also planned to wear a cute summer dress. Nothing overtly sexy. It just shows off my breast...er best assets. I am so screwed if I get a woman. She will know right away what I was up to. Oh God let it be a horny man!

Really me,
Apprentice Driver
Nik

The Patio Project

This weekend I embarked on the small task (or at least that's what I thought at the time) of making our patio a bit bigger. With our budget being what it is, we've been waiting to get a good deal on patio stones. Well that chance came along when my grandfather B was remodeling his front walk up. He had about 16 2x2 patio stones that he no longer needed. In fact he wanted to get rid of them ASAP. Free fit right into our budget so thank you very much grandma and grandpa B.

I started on Saturday around 9am. Since my hubby hurt his knee a little while ago, it was pretty much me and my grandpa L doing the work. I started with 6 patio stones at the bottom of our deck stairs. It was functional enough, but not very pretty.



I started by taking up the stones that were already there, and measured from the 3 existing stones to the fence to make sure that we had enough room for the 2x2 stones since we didn't have a stone cutter. I had to move two of the stones back to make sure the rest would fit. That was quite the task itself. Then we had to dig up the sod and some dirt in the area that the patio was going. My grandpa B had some left over sand from putting his steps down so we went over there to pick up some of that. Can you say heavy! Although the correct way to do the patio would be to dig down about a foot of dirt and replace it with the sand and crushed rock... since it was so heavy, we cheated a bit and only put down about an inch. Shhhh don't tell.

We got the area as level as possible then K came in and helped with the pounding down of the sand and crushed stone. We used a 4 foot level taking measurements on the horizontal, vertical and diagonal to make sure that the stones would sit level and to make sure that we were grading away from the house. (which essentially means the patio slopes slightly away from the house so no water should sit against the foundation) Not every stone went down without a hitch. Yes there was some cussing, especially when my fingers got squished under a stone. But we managed to make a pretty decent patio if I do say so myself. I also have some extra dirt for my garden extension. (that's next week's project) We finished up around 5pm, and let me tell you I can feel every shovel full! I could barely pick up Demi today.

Without further ado, here is our new absolutely free patio. Another big thank you to nanna and grandpa L for their help. A thank you to grandma and grandpa B for the supplies and to my hubby for helping me to keep the cussing to a minimum.




























Really me,
The paver
Nik

Descendents of Amazons

We have some very strong women in my family. My nanna, my mother, my aunt J, and myself. We can fix things, make things pretty, sniff out the deals, and put a project together. I guess you could call us tom boys, but I much perfer AMAZONS! lol I’m the one who owns the power tools and knows how to use them. On my mother’s side my nanna rules the roost. And I like the ‘strong woman’ role and think it will be great for Demi as she grows up.

All the boys on my dad’s side, and his father for that matter are involved with plumbing, carpentry, electricity, metal working, etc. There’s lots of useful knowledge flowing. My nanna was a farm girl, when life really was tough. I was never really a girly girl, so I would go with my grandfather to watch him work on busted pipes. I’d ‘assist’ whenever I could with any kind of home renovation. I learned to be intuitive, and I learned how to pass them a tool in the correct way so they didn’t have to fumble. I learned to garden, and how to fix things with nothing but a shoe string, and to make things out of nothing.

Now as an adult I do a lot of my home renovations myself. What I don’t know, I look up. I’ve wired a new circuit into the main circuit breaker, framed, drywalled and mudded a playroom for Demi, made and installed a diaper sprayer in the bathroom, and I can clean house too when I’m so inclined. But there are still things I don’t know how to do.

This weekend, for example, my dad came over to fix my outside tap. As he was soldering I thought to myself. I’m going to have to do this for Demi one day. One day K and I are going to be the ‘all knowing’ parents helping our kids with their new house. They’re going to have to know how to do things like change a tire (which I also recently learned how to do), change a light switch or outlet, how to cook, how to clean, when to plant in the spring etc. etc. etc.

That means that K and I better pay close attention to our elders so we can pass these traits down because empowering our children is vitally important in our eyes.


Some things we’d like our kids to know:
How to crochet
How to make preserves
How to cook a meal from scratch
How to change a tire
How to change a light switch / outlet
How to bargain
The value of measuring twice and cutting once
How to repair a hole in drywall

Now for some audience participation… I know there are some lurkers out there, and I’m just saying there may *wink wink* be a giveaway coming up and you have to be a follower to enter. So join now and tell me what family traits/values/life lessons do you want to pass down to your children?

Really me,
Nik of all trades